AventuraAsshole on Quinceanera Parties

As of Saturday, I have attended my first Quincenera. It could be said that the Latin culture grows on you, just like ringworm. I can feel my bratwurst slowly turning into chorizo. For those of you not familiar with a Latina Quincenera, suffice it to say it is a huge fucking deal.

The Quincenera is the ceremony in which a young girl becomes a woman (yeah, nothing how I imagined it either...plus her whole family was watching, creepy). But seriously, it was a very cool experience which I felt privileged to have been a part of. Karina looked gorgeous and Havana Harry was proud as shit, which for the life of me I can... See More’t figure out. Clearly, a child as intelligent and beautiful as she is not from his genetic stock (I believe the Cubans have a saying, ‘there’s always a Gringo in the woodpile somewhere’).

Unfortunately, one of the less intelligent, younger members on the guest list made the mistake of grinding on Daddy’s Little Princess. Fortunately for us, there is a canal located in very close proximity to the event hall.

AventuraAsshole on life

Today I'm not my usual pessimistic self. The weather was gorgeous, today is the fifteenth anniversary of the birth of Havana Harry's daughter, Karina and the Jeep is clean for the first time in months. I don't really feel up to my usual level of venom on the Quiceanera of a friend's daughter.

So today I leave you with this: life is short, so live today like it's your last...it just might be. Smell a flower, stop to hear a bird sing, pet a puppy, kick a cat and if you have someone that you love...tell them. Oh yeah, and "it's a celebration, bitches. Show Charlie Murphy your titties!"
Peace...

AventuraAsshole got locked out of his apartment

So today, Turnberry Tony and I were relaxing at the pool when I got a call from my Colombian roommate. When I answered he said, "Me key no worky en la puerta. Me no speaka good Eeeenglish.
You come let me in house, yes?"

After berating him for being a dumb Mexican, I decided to go back and help him out (against my better judgement). Well, sure enough, me key no worky en la puerta either. So we had to call maintenance. Our maintenance man is a SUPER cool Dominican guy, and it always calms the Mexican down when he can speak Spickinese to someone.

Well, the maintenance guy couldn't get the door open either. So in an act of selfless heroism, he climbed a ladder up to our third floor balcony to open the door from inside. As it turned out, he had to replace the lock.

When he finished, I offered a beer as reward for his assistance. WHICH HE REFUSED!!! If there's one thing I hate more than people that don't drink, it's people who refuse hospitality.

Now I have no recourse but to assume he's a narc.

AventuraAsshole on Cougartown

For S.K. ♥ ...So I caught an episode of "Cougartown" and reminded of how incredibly, ridiculously hot Courtney Cox is (I realize her name is TECHNICALLY Cox-Arquette, I refuse to recognized this...we'll get to that later). So I asked myself, what would be the best way to get her attention?

Now, I'm not a smart man, but I know two things: a) Courtney is DEFINITELY an AventuraAsshole fan and, 3) She will be unable to resist me. So I have composed a list of things I would do to get in Courtney Cox's pants: club a baby seal (well, yes, technically I would just do that for fun...), attend a femininst rally holding a sign that says "WHAT ... See MoreTHE FUCK ARE YOU BITCHES DOING OUT OF THE KITCHEN?!!!", attend a skinhead rally with a sign that says "SAME-SEX, INTERRACIAL, JEWISH COUPLES FOR JESUS", and finally--I would walk into the middle of a strip club with a baggie full of Carpet Fresh and yell, "WHO LIKES FREE COCAINE?!!!!"
Peace, bitches...

AventuraAsshole takes a beer bong

AventuraAsshole on McDonald's

So I was in Mcdonalds drive-thru, and they had a sign that said, "Picture menus available upon request." Who is the fucking retard that thought this up?!

If my reading skills are poor enough to necessitate a picture menu, what fucking good does a sign do me?

More importantly, if I can't read, what the fuck am I doing driving a car?

AventuraAsshole Rides a Barbie Bike

AventuraAsshole Video

Welcome

Welcome to my blog.

I love blond haired, blue-eyed Aryan children. I also love taking yarmulkes. I love planting my seed in jewish women because I know the lineage is matriarchal and I live to pollute that.

This are my thoughts, whether you like them or not, this is how I feel. I will be posting my points of view weekly. Let me know if you like them.

I also love to do stupid stuff of which I will be taking video or my friend Tunrberry Tony will help me to do so.

AventuraAssole